


WTF is wrong with me.

by fictionalabyss



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Death mentioned, Double Penetration, F/M, Fluff, Shower Sex, Sibling Incest, Smut, You are Sam's twin, noncon mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-21 20:34:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15565887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalabyss/pseuds/fictionalabyss
Summary: When you need cheering up after a fight with your boyfriend, your brothers are right there for you, like they've always been. Only this time, things go a bit different. But if you're honest with yourself, it's been a long time coming.





	1. Dean will kill him.

You groaned as you shut the motel room door a bit too loud.  “What’s up sweetheart?”

“Don’t want to talk about it.” You grumbled to your older brother and tossed your bag down.

“Boyfriend being a dick again?” Dean watched you kick off your shoes.

“ **I Don’t want to talk about it**!” You headed for the bathroom and shut the door. It was the only way to get privacy when everyone was living out of a motel room. Privacy, wasn’t really something any of you ever had. Three or four people in a room meant a lot of shared bathroom time, no room for modesty, but it was how you grew up. It was normal to the three of you. Especially for you and Sam, being twins. 

You took some time to just breath, collect yourself. You knew neither of them would bother you right now. They’d wait, then it was either- Dean would come in to hold you, the physical comfort you always ran to him for. Or Sammy would come in to talk, the emotional comfort he always gave. Sam could make you open up about anything. Always could.

Even though you were twins, Sam born first, you were still in school. Moving so much screwed with your grades, and it didn’t help you were a bit more like Dean than you were willing to admit. You got held back for half of your classes, while Sam graduated with honors. You were 18, and trying to finish up as quick as you could.

You’d only been in town a bit over a week, but being like Dean, it didn’t take long for boys to be interested. You were all blessed with good genetics, that’s for sure. You’d been dating this guy a week, and Dean hit it spot on. He was a dick.

You peeled off your clothes and started up the shower. Standing under the warm spray, you weren’t surprised when the bathroom door opened. Or when Sam got in with you. “I _don’t_ want to talk about it, Sam.” You turned your back to him as you lathered up your hair.

“Why?” His position between you and the shower head, and his height, blocked the water from hitting you.

“Because Dean will fucking kill him.”

Sam glanced towards the shower curtain, knowing Dean was probably sitting on the toilet seat cover, listening in, but not wanting you to know. “What’d he do?”

You groaned. “Can’t you just leave it, Sammy?”

“No.” He answered softly.

“Sometimes, I hate you, you know that?” You smiled to yourself, and you knew he was smiling too.

“Because I can get anything and _everything_ out of you?” He chuckled. “No secrets between us, come on. You know you’re going to tell me sooner or later.”

“He never drives me back here.” You started. “ _Ever_. He doesn’t pick me up here either. I always meet him down the street, and get him to drop me off by the store or gas station, saying I need to pick something up and can walk.”

“Okay..” Sam was trying to figure out where this was going.

“I mean, Dean living out of a motel room, it’s fine. He brings people back all the time, takes dad’s room for a night, or gets another. But for _me_.. I can’t.” You shrugged. Sam nodded, understanding a little bit.

You had lucked out with this motel, while cheap in most aspects, it had removable shower heads. Sam reached over his shoulder, and took it down to start rinsing out your hair for you. “What happened?”

You sighed, your head going back as you let Sam rinse out your hair, as he had a million times since you were little. “He wanted to meet you and Dean. He’s heard about Dean..”

“How?”

“His _sister_.” Dean cocked a curious eyebrow at that.  “Who I met today. She’s older, I think around Dean’s age?” Dean smirked wondering. “When she heard my last name, she _insisted_ on meeting me.”

“Why?” Sam was confused.

“Dean.” You answered. “ _Apparently_ , he met her our first night in town, and hasn’t called her back. She wanted to know why, so I had to bullshit for him. _Again_. ‘He’s busy, Darlin. I’m sure he’ll get around to it real soon.’ _Take a fucking hint_.” You rolled your eyes, and while Dean stifled a chuckle, Sam sighed.

“Anyways, he decides, he needs to meet my brothers, only, again, he has no idea where I live. But I think, it won’t be too bad. Sammy will be sweet, Dean will be Dean, but at least _Dad_ isn’t around to make shit weird. So I tell him where to go. And shit just went downhill from there.”

Sam started massaging your scalp with his fingers, making you moan softly. “Don’t make me drag it out of you.” He teased.

You groaned. “When we pulled up outside, and he saw it was a motel… He got handsy, which in itself isn’t _horrible_ , but when I pulled away, he got grabby. Hands and mouth everywhere.” If you could see Dean, you’d have seen his jaw and fists clench. “That wasn’t even the worse of it.”

“ _Shit_..” Sam mumbled, glancing at the curtain again. Dean would be fuming over there. You were right, the guy was dead. He just didn’t know it yet.

“I shoved him off, got out of the car, and started for the room. I figured he’d get the hint to fuck off.” Now that Sam was done with your hair, you grabbed the soap and started to wash up.

“He didn’t, I take it?” You shook your head. Once you were all lathered up, you handed the soap to Sam. He gave you the shower head to rinse off your front, while he washed your back for you.

“He followed me out.” You stayed quiet for a minute as you finished and handed the shower head back. Sam rinsed off your back, then put the shower head back in it’s place.

Once his hands were free, he turned you. There was concern written all over his face. “ _What did he do_?”

“He pushed me against the wall, Sammy. Outside Dad’s room.” John’s room was next to yours, not that he was occupying it at the moment. “All over me, talking about how I _want_ it, to stop playing coy, why else would I bring him here. I’d only bring him to a motel if I wanted to fuck. Kept talking about how wet I must be, as he tried getting into my jeans.”  You grabbed a towel, suddenly feeling naked and vulnerable. You never felt like that around Sam.

“Once he got into them, he started talking about how he’d ‘ _waited so long_ ’ to fuck me. How he couldn’t wait to get into the motel room.” You scoffed. “I pointed out that he was free to try, but my brothers might have a problem with it. I told him twice to get off me.” You shook your head. “But he wouldn’t, he was _so sure_ I wanted to fuck.”

“ **Son of a bitch**!” You froze for a moment, fear taking over and pulled open the shower curtain, and Dean was fuming. “You’re right, he’s _fucking dead_. Where is he?”

“He left after I dislocated his jaw…” You looked up at Dean who was now standing. “I mean he had some choice words for me he could barely get out for hitting him, but I told him next time a woman says _no_ , it’s **fucking no** , and he stormed off.”

Sam turned off the shower and grabbed the other towel to wrap around his waist. “You see him, you tell him I’m fucking looking for him.” Dean growled.

“Dean..”

“What’s his sister’s name? I’ll find her number again, give her a call just so I can knock this little shit out. He’s fucking _lucky_ Dad ain’t here and it’s just us.”

You sighed and glanced at Sam. “ _This_ is why I didn’t want to talk about it.” You stepped out of the tub, and moved past Dean to curl up in your bed.

The bathroom door shut, and you could hear the muffled sounds of them talking. You phone when off and you grabbed it. You ignored the call, but then a text came in, from him. Then another, and another. All apologies, and begging forgiveness, realizing what an ass he had been. You could tell he had been given something for the pain as his texting got sloppy as he begged you to meet him at the bar on the weekend.

The door opened and they came out. Sam going to his bag for clothes, and Dean heading to you. “What, Dean?” You asked when you felt the bed dip.

“Just making sure you’re alright, sweetheart.” His arms went around you.

“He’s apologizing..” You told Dean softly before handing him your phone. His arms left you as he laid on his back. “Sammy, toss me a shirt?”

Sam pulled a t-shirt out of his bag and tossed it to you. You sat up and pulled it on while Dean read the texts. “You don’t _believe_ this asshole, do you?” He glanced over. He tossed the phone to Sam, who caught it.

You shrugged. “Take me to the bar, worse comes to worse you can give him a broken nose to go with his dislocated jaw?”

Dean grinned. “I like the way you think.”

“Now cuddle me until I feel better.” You pouted.

“Anytime.” He chuckled and you laid back down next to him.

“Any idea when Dad’s coming back?” You asked. Dean glanced at Sam who shrugged.


	2. hey asshole!

You were sitting in the bar with your brothers. Sam next to you, and Dean across from you. “Dean?”

“Yeah?” He looked back at you.

“Just go fuck her.”

He chuckled. “Like I told _her_ , sweetheart. I’m _busy_ tonight.” He grinned. “I’ve got a little sister to take care of. He says one thing wrong, I deck him.”

You rolled your eyes. You might have only been there half an hour, but Dean had women fawning over him the second he was in the door. Sam had a girl or two eyeing him as well. “ _Both of you_ , just go flirt or something. If _one more girl_ glares at me like that for being here with you, _I’ll_ start decking people.”

Both brothers laughed. “Should I start warning the women I meet that my baby sister is vicious and protective? That they better win you over before they get anywhere with me?” Dean teased.

“Yes.” You said, very seriously, making him smile at you. “At least if she’s worthy of a call back.” You shrugged and Sam laughed. “You too Sammy.”

“I won’t even let her leave the bar until you meet her.” He held his hands up in surrender.

“At least _one_ brother knows who’s in charge.” You smiled and picked up your beer. “Empty.”

“I’ll get more.” Dean nudged your cheek before getting up.

You smiled at him as he walked away. You watched as a leggy blonde started to talk to him. He turned his cocky grin to her, and you chuckled. “ _What_ do they see in him.” You smiled at Sam.

“Same thing they see in _us_ , I guess. Unavailability. Touch of danger. Stunning good looks.” He nudged your shoulder.

“Modesty.” You rolled your eyes.

“We _are_ twins.” He grinned. You shook your head at him as Dean came back.

  
  


Dean kept turning women away, and a few guys looked your way as well, which made you smile. You were dressed hot tonight, just for your boyfriend. Either you’d forgive him, and enjoy your night. _Or_ he’d regret being a dick with you looking this damn good. You glanced over at some guy who kept eyeing you, and smirked. No one would chance coming over to the table. Not with Sam and Dean there.

You don’t know when he got there, but you remembered looking up about an hour into drinking and seeing him by the bar. At first, he was looking around, and you smiled, but it quickly faded when you realized he was talking to the leggy blonde that had hit on Dean before. You watched as he turned to face the bar, his back to you, and his hand ran down her back to her ass.

“What is it?” Dean asked, looking behind him as you averted your eyes.

“Nothing.” You shook your head. “It’s nothing.” You gave him a smile.

While your brothers kept you smiling and laughing, you’d glance over at him, wondering if he’d noticed you were even there. It was obvious he hadn’t when he started dancing with her, holding her ass tight against him as she ground back. “ _Asshole_.” You mumbled.

“He’s here, isn’t he.” Dean all but growled.

Sam managed to follow your gaze before you shifted it and saw what you had been looking at. He looked back at you, as you tried to ignore Dean’s questions. “Shot?” Sam asked, and you nodded.

By the time Sam came back with a few shots, he was gone from the dance floor. After the first two shots, you spotted him off in a corner, practically fucking her against the wall, her dress hiked up and his fingers hard at work. “I’m going to need more.” You grabbed the shot out of Dean’s hand.

“ _Woah_ there, slow it down sweetheart.”

“ **Fuck off** , Dean.” You mumbled and downed it.

“What the hell?” He looked to Sam who pointed to your boyfriend. As soon as Dean’s eyes landed on him, you could all but feel how pissed he was. “You _better_ be fucking kidding me.” He growled.

“I’ll deal with it.” You mumbled to yourself. Dean started to get up. “ **I said I’ll fucking deal with it, Dean!** ”

He looked at you, and saw the fire in your eyes. The Winchester temper in full swing. He held up his hands, and sat back down. Your jaw was clenched. When you saw a waitress moving past with a pitcher of beer, you stood up and grabbed it. “Hey! That’s-”

“He’ll pay for it.” You motioned to Dean as you started across the bar. Dean winked at her and pulled out a 20, telling her to keep the change.

“Cum for me baby.” You heard you boyfriend groan. “Then I’ll fuck you good.”

“ **Hey, Asshole**!”

He froze at the sound of your voice, and when he turned, you threw the whole pitcher in his face. You heard Dean above everyone else in the bar cheering you on. “ **What the fuck!?** ” He growled pulling away from the blonde who was also covered in beer.

“Who the _fuck_ are you?” The blonde shot.

“Until now, this piece of shit’s _girlfriend_.”

“Why are you even here?”

“You invited me, you Dick. Groveling, and begging me to forgive you for almost fucking **raping** me.” The blonde’s eyes went wide.

“Why the fuck-” You reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone, and showed him the texts. “ _Shit_..” He looked up at you. “Baby, I-”

“You wanted to meet my brothers, remember? Well my brothers now know _you_. And my oldest brother, is _real_ fucking happy right now that you don’t know him. Because you’ll never fucking see him coming.” You growled, sounding too much like Dean. “And then there’s my _twin_. You thought your dislocated jaw hurt, wait until my twin gets a hold of you.”

He looked around, trying to figure out if he could spot them.

“Piece of advice? You hear a loud engine rumbling towards you, fucking **run**.” You tossed the empty pitcher at him and started to walk away “Actually… You should start running _now_.” You told him over your shoulder.  Sam got up from his chair and started towards you. Once Sam made his way through the crowd and into view, you saw the flash of fear on your ex’s face as he took in the sheer size of Sam. Sam was glaring as he stood next to you. “This is my _twin_. Imagine my big brother.”

“Oh _shit_..” He mumbled before hurrying off and out the door.

“And _you_?” You glared at the blonde. “I saw you hit on my brother earlier. Stay away from him, or I’ll bash your face in. He deserves better than bar trash like you.” You turned and walked away, Sam right behind you.

“You alright, Princess?” Dean asked as you sat down next to him your head going to his shoulder.

“Shots, Dean. Shots and a _damn_ good night.” You looked up at him.

“You got it, sweetheart.”  You took your head off his shoulder and he got up to get drinks.

“Dad can come home _any day_ now..” Sam pointed out when Dean was at the bar. “He’ll be _pissed_ to find you hungover.”

“Dad can shove it.” You mumbled.

Sam smiled. “Tough words coming from _Daddy’s little girl_.”

You shot him a glare, but he was right. You were a daddy’s girl. Even though he was gone a lot, even though Dean had pretty much raised you and Sam, you always smiled when John walked back in the door. You were his only daughter, that little bit of Mary he held on to, his angel. He’d kill before he let anyone near you, and anyone who knew him, knew it. As far as John Winchester knew, his daughter was innocent, perfect.

“What daddy doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.” You smirked as Dean put a tray of shots in front of you and you took one.

“Amen to that.” Dean chuckled as he sat down and handed one to Sam before taking one for himself.


	3. No, daddy.

As the night wore on, the drinks flowed. Sam throwing in a few non alcoholic drinks here and there to slow you down a bit. You loved how he watched over you, how they both did. Your head was on Dean’s shoulder again as you drank some water. Dean kissed the top of your head, while Sam asked “You good?”

“No.” You answered honestly. “This bar **sucks**.”

Dean chuckled. “You’ve been having a pretty good time.”

“I want to forget. Just for a bit. Why do I always attract shit men?”

“He was no _man_ , sweetheart.” Dean said softly.

“I hate this.” You shifted closer to Dean. “I just want to be held and loved. _Maybe_ understood. But all I meet are guys like him. You were right, Sam. They can _smell_ the unavailable. They just know they can get in and out, no strings because we won’t stay. So maybe I’ll do that too. I don’t know why I keep trying for more.”

“You deserve more.” Dean told you, shooting Sam a glare.

“All I get is heartbroken, Dean. No one’s going to understand this. _Us_. What we do. Why we leave.” You picked up Dean’s beer and finished it. “I just want to be _loved_.” You got up and headed for the bathroom.

Dean sighed and looked at Sam. Dean had spent his whole life making sure you two had everything he could give you. No matter the cost to him. Seeing you like this, killed him. “What do we do here Sammy?”

Sam shrugged. “Remind her that she has us, and we love her.” He gave his brother a sad smile.

They waited a few minutes, but when you didn’t come back out, they headed in. When Dean walked in, your back was to them, hands on the sink as you looked down trying to get it together. Hearing a gasp, Dean turned to the other woman in the room, and motioned for her to get out.

Once it was just the three of you, Sam spoke. “You know _we_ love you, right?”

Looking up into the mirror, you saw both of them standing behind you. You started to shake your head, opened your mouth to answer, but Dean stepped forward and turned you around.

You looked up into the beautiful green eyes that had brought you comfort and safety your whole life. Dean gave you a soft smile as he cupped your face. “We _love_ you.” He told you and softly kissed your lips before wrapping you into a hug and leaning his cheek on the top of your head. “I’d do _anything_ for you sweetheart. You know I would. Name it, and it’s yours.”

You wrapped your arms around him. “I just want to forget him. His hands and lips on me. Everything he did, everything he said. I want it _all_ gone. Make it go away, Dean. Make me forget it all.”

Dean sighed and kissed the top of your head. He only had two ways of getting past shit. Drinking obviously wasn’t working for you, not this time. Your head shifted against his chest when Sam moved closer, Sam’s hand rubbing your lower back. Dean kissed your forehead, his lips lingering a second longer then they should have. He knew that, but it wouldn’t be the first time.

When his lips left your forehead, you looked up at him. It was probably wrong, you know that but you wanted him to do it again. Almost like he sensed it, his lips brushed over yours, slow and steady. “I love you too, Dean.” You told him softly. He smiled and kissed your cheek as you turned to Sam. “And I love you too, Sammy.” Sam smiled and kissed your bare shoulder next to the strap of your top.

Closing your eyes, you moaned softly. Goosebumps prickled your skin. Sam kissed your shoulder again, as Dean kissed your jaw. Both sets of lips barely touching you, and it was perfect. You had long ago accepted that no one could make you feel how they did. You were close, loved, cherished and adored with them. Everyone else was in and out of your life, like a revolving door, but not them. Sam and Dean were always there, waiting with open arms to hold you.

Sam’s lips brushed yours, as gently as Dean’s had. “Sammy..” He smiled as you breathed out his name against his lips, and kissed you again.

“We’ll make you forget.” He promised you.

Your eyes met Sam’s hazel ones, your lips were parted slightly. Dean made his way back to your lips and your head turned to face him again as his tongue slipped in and gently stroked yours. Sam left your side, and Dean slowly followed him, bringing you along.

He brought you into the last stall, it was slightly bigger than the rest, and Sam was leaning against the wall. Sam seemed hesitant, until Dean turned you and pushed you against him before he shut the door. Sam held your face in his large hands, smiling at how you looked up at him. He leaned down and kissed you.

Deans hands moved over your hips and down your thigh as he kissed along the back of your neck. As his hands moved back up, your skirt moved up with them. “So soft.” He moaned against your neck. “You were always _so damn soft_.” As his hands got to your hips again, his grip tightened, and you pushed back a bit against him. “Fuck.” He groaned as your ass bumped against his growing bulge.

Sam’s hands left your face, and trailed over your ribs. His thumbs brushing over the side of your breast from time to time, almost as if he was afraid to really touch you. Your hands were on the back of his neck and in his hair, pulling him into a deeper kiss.

You felt Dean’s warm, calloused fingers trail over your abdomen,and into your panties. “Oh Sammy, she’s fucking _soaked_.” You whimpered, your knees going weak as Dean teased your slit, letting your slick coat his fingers.

That was all the encouragement Sam needed to break past his hesitation. He cupped your breasts, massaging them as his mouth continued to move with yours. You felt his bulge against your stomach when Dean pushed you into Sam, sandwiching you between the both of them.

You broke the kiss with a whine. “Please…” You tried to grind into Dean’s hand.

Dean’s fingers left you, and he slid your panties down your thighs. As soon as they were kicked aside, Sam turned you back to Dean who grinned before his lips pressed to yours again. Their lips never leaving you as they turned so Dean had his back against the wall and Sam was behind you.

Sam’s hands roamed your body as you started to undo Dean’s belt and jeans.You broke the kiss with Dean, looking down as you pushed them down his thighs. You’ve seen him naked before, hell you’ve seen him hard before, but you still let out a soft gasp at the sight of him as he sprang free.

He chuckled. “Still get a reaction like that, even after all these years. _Damn,_ I’m good.”

“ _Shut up_ , Dean.” You smiled to yourself before wrapping a hand around him.

“Oh fuck.” He groaned. His head went back against the wall as you pumped him. You got up on your toes, and started to kiss his neck. “Jesus, sweetheart. Why didn’t we do this sooner…” He moaned.

You smiled against his throat and used your free hand to grab one of Sam’s. You trailed his hand down to your mound and whimpered when his finger moved over your clit. “You want it bad, don’t you.” Sam mumbled against your neck as his finger slipped inside you.

“Please..” Your forehead was resting on Dean’s chest now. “Both of you, _Please_..”

Dean chuckled, and you felt the rumble in his chest. He kissed the top of your head before shifting to reach into his jeans pocket. Pulling something out, he smiled. “Sammy.”

You turned and watched Sam grab a small bottle of lube, while Dean held onto the condom. You looked up at him, a smirk on your lips. “Really?”

He grinned. “Always prepared for anything, sweetheart. _Especially_ when I go to the bar.” He winked.

You bit your bottom lip, looking at him through your lashes and he groaned. You could hear Sam undoing his belt and jeans behind you, then felt him pressed up against you. “Fuck me, _please_.”

Dean answered by ripping open the condom package. Sam teased your clit while Dean got the condom on. “You sure?” Dean asked once he was ready. “There’s _no_ going back from this.”

You pulled him down into a deep kiss. “Fuck me like no one else ever will, Dean. No one will _ever_ love me the way you two do. I want you two to ruin me completely for any other man. Show me I’m worth more than that trash.”

Dean kissed you softly. “You’re worth so much more. You deserve _so_ much _better_.”

You smiled at that, even though Sam was the emotional one of the two, sometimes Dean just knew exactly what to say. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He kissed you and grabbed your thighs, lifting you up and Sam’s hand moved up your waist to help keep you in place. “Ready?” You nodded. He lined himself up, and slid in. You gasped into his ear as he stretched you. Your arms around his shoulders and neck, clinging to him. “I got you, baby.” He gently kissed along your neck. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Sam’s hands left you, but he kissed along your shoulders a few times. When you slowly started to move, you felt Sam gently slide a finger in your ass. “Fuck yes..” You moaned, rocking your hips as much as you could. Dean wasn’t moving, not yet. He was letting Sam get you ready first. Letting you take it slow before they started to fuck you.

Sam slid in a second finger and worked you open. “You _sure_ you can handle us?” He mumbled against your neck.

“If anyone can, _I_ can.” You turned your head to him. You’ve seen them fuck before, either walking in on it, or catching Dean in the car. Or the time you saw Sam in the car, but Dean doesn’t know about that. Deep down, some part of you was jealous, every time. They were yours. “I was _born_ to handle you two, why would this be any different.” You smiled and kissed Sam. He scissored his fingers making you gasp into his mouth. Once he felt you were ready, he pulled them out.

“Last chance.” His hazel eyes met yours.

“Fuck me.” You told him. “Fuck me like I’ve seen you fuck others.” You wanted Dean’s tenderness, and Sam’s rough manhandling.

“Sweetheart?” You turned back to Dean and he kissed you while Sam lubed up then lined up. He was trying to keep you relaxed and distracted for what came next. Your nails dug into him, hard enough to leave marks when Sam starting pushing in. You stiffened a bit at the burn. “Relax.. Focus on me.” Dean said softly between kisses. He kept everything light, and soft. You melted into it, relaxing enough for Sam to bottom out.

“ _Fuck_ , you’re so tight. So perfect.” Sam groaned.

“Fucking made for us.” Dean moaned. He started to move first.

“Sam.. Sam you need to move. Please.” Anal wasn’t new, but this was, this was intense. This felt like the first time all over again, where you needed it hard, and fast because you felt like you would burst. “Please..” You begged.

Sam nipped at your shoulder, going slow. You whimpered and begged for it harder, faster. You needed more, you needed him, all of him. Everything he had to give you.

“I can take it, _please_.”

He glanced at his big brother, and Dean nodded. Sam pulled back and slammed in making you cry out, your face going into Dean’s shoulder. Dean smiled. “Make her scream, Sammy.”

“My fucking pleasure.” He groaned, and he started thrusting in and out. His fingers digging into your waist where he gripped you. Since he was taller than his brother, his knees were bent a bit, making his thrust go upward, and hit an angle you weren’t use to. You whimpered around Dean’s shoulder, trying not to bite him too hard. “You feel so good.” Sam’s forehead was against the back of your neck as he said it, his breath coming out in pants and fanning over your skin.

“Sammy..” You moaned. “Oh Dean…”

Dean picked up his pace, not going as hard as Sam, but keeping in time with him. “Come on baby, let me hear you.” You whined, biting your bottom lip in response. “Scream for us, and we’ll make you cum so good, I promise. Like no one’s ever made you cum before.”

“Oh fuck..” You were so close. You could feel yourself clenching and fluttering around them, right on the edge. “Please..” You begged them, begging for release.

“We ruining you for everyone else sweetheart?” Dean asked, and you nodded. “Think you’ll ever be able to come on another cock again?” You shook your head, whimpering and begging. “Only ours? Only for your brothers?”

As fucked as it was, it threw you over. “ **Sammy!! Dean!! Oh shit!!!** ”

You clenched around them, shaking and clinging to Dean as you came harder than you ever had before.

Both boys groaned, giving it their all. “That’s it baby, cum all over our cocks.” Dean bit at your neck, both of them right there, right behind you.

Suddenly the stall door swung open. “ **What the fuck are you two assholes doing to your sister**!?”

You squeezed your eyes shut at the sound of his voice, Sam and Dean both freezing. “Sir…” Dean started.

“Get the fuck off her, before I _beat_ you off her.” He growled. He grabbed Sam by the shirt and pulled him away from you, making you wince as he was pulled out roughly.

“Dad, you’re _hurting_ her.” Sam protested.

“You too.” He growled at Dean as Sam hit a wall.

Dean lift you slightly so he’d slip out, then gently put you down. He gave you a reassuring smile before he held up his hands to show John he’d go peacefully. But as soon as he was closer John grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and shoved him into Sam.

“Get the fuck out of here, **_both of you_**! I’ll deal with you two later.”

He shut the bathroom stall door and locked it, so you were stuck in there with him, no getting out of this. Tears ran down your cheek. “Daddy, I-”

“Is _this_ what you do when I’m away? Fuck your _brothers_?”

“No, Daddy.”

  
  


Sam and Dean were leaning on the wall outside the bar. “What do we do now?” Sam looked at his older brother. “We shouldn’t have left her in there, Dean. He’s _pissed_ , you _know_ how he gets when he’s pissed.”

“He won’t hurt her, Sam.”

“He just found out his perfect little angel isn’t so perfect.. She’s _scared_ , Dean!”

“Then we’ll give her one less thing to be scared of.” Sam looked confused. “We’re going to find that piece of shit boyfriend. Let’s go.”


	4. I hate you!

John was pissed to get back to the motel and find no boys, and no Impala. You sat on the edge of the bed quietly while he paced and cursed.

It was a while before his phone rang. “Yeah?” He growled into it. “Fuck, alright.” You looked up at him worried. “Don’t you fucking move, you hear me? I need to bail out your idiot brothers.” He left without another word, slamming the door.

You sat in silence, waiting. Quiet tears falling from time to time. You sniffled and wiped off your cheek as you heard the Impala and the truck pull in. You jumped when the door flew open and Dean was shoved into the room. “First I catch you two morons with your _sister_ , then I have to bail you out of jail because you _almost fucking killed_ a guy?!” John was fuming.

Your eyes were wide as you looked to Dean, then Sam who came into the room last. “Sam? What-”

“Shut it. You stay out of this.” John pointed at you before turning back to them.

“Don’t fucking talk to her like that.” Sam told him, standing between you and John.

“What the _hell_ has gotten into you two!?” John’s voice boomed.

“He almost fucking _raped_ her, Dad. Right outside _your_ goddamn room.” Dean was still pissed as John’s eyes turned to you. He could see you, saw your eyes go to the floor with shame.

“Your suppose to be _protecting_ her, Dean!”

“ **I am**!” He screamed back. “She wouldn’t fucking _let_ me! Not even when we saw him at the bar finger fucking some blonde piece of trash after he _begged_ her to go there and give him a second chance! Why do you think I almost fucking killed him? **For her**! **I’d do _anything_ for her!** ”

“So you beat a guy for trying to do what _you two_ did?”

“We didn’t rape her.” Dean clenched his fists, ready to swing.

“ **You fucked your _sister_ , Dean!**”

Dean was about to answer, but the snarl that came from Sam stopped him. “You should have fucking thought of that years ago.”

“ _What_ did you say?” John turned on him, and you looked up surprised. Sam was standing taller, bigger, like he was puffing out to challenge John.

“I said, you should have fucking thought of that _years ago_.”

“Don’t blame _me_ for this!”

“Three of us in a motel room _alone_. All the fucking time, what did you _think_ would happen?” Sam was yelling. “We never had friends, never had relationships. Never had anything but each other. We never got the fucking _chance_ to. So what the **fuck** did you think would happen?”

“You better watch how you talk to me, boy.”

“Eat shit.” Sam growled at him.

“You.” John’s eyes were on you now. “Pack up your shit.”

“Where are you taking her?” Dean started to sound almost panicked. “You’re _not_ fucking taking her!”

“ **Now**!” John yelled and you flinched, getting up slowly you moved for your bag.

Dean grabbed it from your hands as soon as you had it. “I said you’re _not_ fucking taking her anywhere. She’s staying with _us_.”

John grabbed the bag away from him. “Like _hell_ she is. Let’s go.” He grabbed your arm and pulled you towards the door.

As he opened it, you looked back at your brothers, tears on your face. “I’m sorry. _Please,_ Daddy, I’m sorry.” You had never been without at least one of your brothers. You were scared.

“ **Your fucking scaring her, let her go**!” Sam yelled and went for the door, just for it to get shut in his face.

“Come on.” John growled.

“Please Daddy. I _need_ them.”

He opened the door to his room and tossed your bag in. “From now on, _I_ bunk with them, and you fucking stay here.”

  
  


The sound of the fighting kept you up all night. You could hear their muffled voices screaming at each other, could even make out parts of it. You were in a ball on one of the beds, holding yourself and crying.

Sometime during the night, you heard the door slam in the next room, and you jumped. Running to the window, you looked out and saw Sam walking across the parking lot. He stopped about half way across and turned to look at you for a moment before turning and walking away. You broke down. Dropping to your knees, you cried uncontrollably. You had ruined everything.

You woke up in the bed, not sure how you got there. Last you remembered, you were crying on the floor by the window. You could smell food, and smell that it was going cold. Glancing over to the table, there was a Styrofoam container and a bottle of juice. You ignored it and curled back into a ball and went to sleep.

You woke up again, this time someone was brushing the hair back from your face. “You need to _eat_ , sweetheart. It’s almost dinner time.”

You shook your head, not even bothering to look up at him. “I need Sam, Daddy. Or Dean. _Please_.”

“No.” It wasn’t harsh, but there was no room for argument, so you started to cry again. You rolled so your back was to him and cuddled up to a pillow. He sighed. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but no.” He got up and walked out.

  
  


That’s how the next few days went. John called to tell the school know you were sick, since you wouldn’t get out of bed. You refused to eat most of what he brought, only picking here and there from time to time. But every day, he begged you to eat, and you’d respond by begging for one of your brothers.

Nights were filled with the boys fighting their father. And almost every night, Sam would storm off. He’d look back at the window to your room, his heart breaking. He needed you, needed to see you, hold you. You were his twin, he’d never been so long without you. It was killing him. Dean was in a constant state of pissed, but even Dean couldn’t understand how bad this hurt.

When he finally walked back into the room one night, John, as usual, was awake and waiting for him. Sam ignored him like he did every night. Getting into the bed he now shared with Dean, and trying to sleep.

Sometime after John passed out, he heard you crying through the walls. He couldn’t take it anymore. Night after night he heard your sobs. “Fuck this.” He mumbled and got out of bed.

“Sammy?”

“Just going for a walk, Dean.” He whispered, not wanting to wake up their father. “I can’t take it anymore.”

“Tell her I love her? And miss her? Please. Just get her to stop crying.” Sam turned and looked at his brother. “I can’t take hearing her cry so much when she’s out of reach.” Dean knew exactly what Sam was about to do.

“I’ll tell her.”

  
  


You barely heard the knock on your window over your crying, so you ignored it, thinking you had imagined it. When it happened again, you sniffled, and got quiet. Listening. A third time, and this time you were sure you heard it. Rolling over to look at the window, you saw a shadow there, a person.

You slowly made your way over and peeked between the curtains. Sam had his head leaning on the glass, his hand pressed against it. He gave you a soft smile and motioned towards the door.

You smiled at him, wiping your cheeks before you hurried to opened it. As soon as he was inside, you were in his arms. He only let go for a second, to quietly close the door, then he had you pulled against him again.

“I’m sorry Sammy. I’m _so_ sorry. I ruined everything.”

He kissed the top of your head. “Don’t be sorry, this isn’t on you.”

“I _beg_ him Sam. Every day when he tries to get me to eat, I beg him. I beg him to let at least one of you in, even just to sit with me while I eat.” You started crying again. “ _Every single day_ I beg.”

“I’m here now, it’s okay.” He buried his face in your hair as you cried into his chest. “Dean was awake when I left. He said to tell you he loves you and misses you. It’s killing him hearing you cry every night. It’s killing both of us.”

“Is Dad asleep? How long can you stay?” You looked up at him.

“Not long. He fell asleep about an hour ago.”

“Two hours, _if_ we’re lucky.” You sighed.

“I wish I could give you more.” He said softly. “I wish I could get you away from him.”

“I just want you near me. I’ve never been away from you for so long. I can’t… I can’t do it.” You clung to him afraid to let go, tears starting up again.

“Come on.” He moved you towards the bed. “I’ll hold you as long as I can.”

Once you were both settled, your head on Sam’s chest, you looked up at him. “I love you, Sam.”

He smiled and kissed you softly. “I love you too.”

  
  


When John woke up and there was no sign of Sam, he wasn’t happy. When he found Sam minutes later, in your bed, he was fuming. You were both fully clothed, and on top of the blankets. You had fallen asleep crying, wrapped protectively in Sam’s arms. Sam had fallen asleep too.

Dean snapped awake at the sound of your scream. “ **Daddy! Stop!! Please!!** ”  He scrambled out of bed, tripping as he ran out of the room just in time to see Sam get tossed out of the room next door.

“ **Dad!** ” Dean yelled.

“I fucking _warned_ you!” John pointed at Sam as he came out of the room.

“Daddy stop!” You were pulling on John’s arm. “I can’t live without him, **please**!”

He shook your off. “Get back inside.”

“Daddy-”

“ **Now**!” He yelled.

Dean watched how you crumbled to pieces, he watched you break all over again as John turned back to Sam and started for him. Dean ran to get between them.

“Out of my way, _boy_.” John barely looked at Dean.

“No.”

“I _said_ , get out of my way.”

“ _And I said no_.” Dean stood his ground. “You want me protecting them, I’m fucking protecting them. No.” John clenched his fist. “Go inside, sweetheart.”

“Dean.. Please.”

“It’s okay, Me and Sammy will be fine, I won’t let _anything_ happen to him. Go inside.” He gave you a smile to let you know he would handle it.

You nodded. “Be careful, Dean. I love you.”

“Love you too. Now _go_.”

  
  


John moved back into the room you were in. He figured it would stop the boys from sneaking in. It hurt him seeing you so upset, but he couldn’t let this continue. You ended up leaving town earlier than expected. Partially to avoid the aftermath of Sam and Dean beating your ex the way they had.

You had to ride in John’s truck, and stay in John’s room. If he needed to hunt, he either took both boys with him, or you. It had been weeks since you’d been near your brothers. He wouldn’t even let you all sit at the same table in a diner.  You didn’t talk anymore, didn’t smile. One day, you heard fighting again, only this time, it was Sam and Dean.

“I can’t fucking do this anymore Dean, I’m _done_.” You heard Sam’s voice loud and clear when John opened the door. Suddenly, there was more fighting. Another John and Sam yelling match. You quickly ran out.

You froze in the doorway when you saw Sam’s packed bag. “You can’t just fucking leave us, Sammy. _Please_.” Dean was begging.

“I _can_ , and I _am_.”

“Sam….” Everyone turned. “W-Where are you going?”

“Stanford. I got into college, I’m leaving. I’m sorry.”

“Sam _look at her_ , you can’t just leave.” Dean pleaded.

“I never get to see her, Dean. What difference does it make where I am.”

You ran past John, he grabbed your arm but you shook him off as you threw yourself at Sam. “ _Please_. Don’t leave me.”

“I can’t stay here. I can’t stay with _him_. I’m sorry.”

“I _need_ you, Sammy.” You sniffled.

“You have Dean.”

“It’s not the same. _Please_.” You clung to him with everything you had, as if you’d die without him. Crying almost hysterically as you did. Begging non stop.

You felt hands on you and tried to fight them off. “You need to calm down, Princess.” Dean’s voice was wrecked, but he was trying. He was trying to keep it together for you.

“ **No**!” You screamed as he pried you away from Sam. “ **No!! He _can’t_!** ” You were fighting Dean with everything you had to get back to Sam, screaming and crying. “ **Please! He can’t go!** ” You saw the pain in Sam’s eyes as he walked out the door. “ **I hate you**!” You screamed out as you dropped to the ground. “ **I hate you for taking him away from me! I hate you**!” You shook in Dean’s arms.

“Sweetheart..” John started.

Sam kept walking, knowing if he stopped, he’d never leave. But what you said next, broke his heart. “I hate you more than Sammy _ever_ could.” Sam hung his head as he walked. As much as he hated their father, you had always been Daddy’s little girl. He knew that nothing in the world could hurt John more than what you just said to him.


	5. Listen here, ya Idjit.

As time went on, you were still kept away from Dean, but you were all cried out. You were angry now, and bitter. You were finishing up school online now, refusing to talk to anyone. Currently at Bobby’s because John and Dean were working different cases, and John couldn’t take you, or leave you with Dean.

Bobby had called John not an hour after he dropped you off. He was worried. You weren’t the happy girl you had always been. You were always locked in your room reading. And even when Dean called you refused to come down and talk.

Your phone went off, and you barely glanced, figuring it was Dean or John checking in. But when you saw a number you didn’t know, you got curious. You grinned seeing it was Sam.

> _New number. Just wanted you to know I miss you. And I am sorry. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep fighting with him while hearing you cry. Night after night. Dean was broken and angry. I just couldn’t do it. I’ll come for you, as soon as I’m able to. I promise. I’ll take you out of there. I love you._

It had been weeks since you had watched him walk away.

> _I’ll be here Sammy. I’ll be waiting. I love you too._

As the weeks droned on, you were shuffled around. Always shuffled around. And from time to time, you’d get messages from Sam. Dean saw a new life in you the rare occasion he was close by. It gave him hope that you were becoming you again.

Sam messaged you a few times a week. Then only once a week. Then less. He was busy, you knew he was. He was Pre-law, doing what he could to get himself a good life outside of hunting. You were beyond proud of him.

When the messages died down to once a month, if you were lucky, Dean saw another change in you. You were shutting down again, but not as bad. You were depressed.

One day, when stopped at a gas station, he walked over to your window before heading in. “You alright, Princess?”

“I miss him. I miss him _so_ much, Dean.”

“It’s been _a year_ , sweetheart.”

You showed him the last text you got from Sam. “It’s only been months for me. It hurts all over again.”

He reached into the truck to caress your cheek,  you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch. “I try so hard to get some time with you. I know how bad you need it.”

“I know, Dean.” He was about to lean in and kiss you, when he heard the bell of the gas station door. He pulled back quickly, but it wasn’t John who walked out. “Go on, before you get kicked out of my life too.”

“Never.” He told you. “Just _talk to me_ when I call at least. Please. I miss you too, you know.”

You nodded. “I’m sorry.” He gave you a small smile and walked away.

  
  


Time continued. You heard from Sam less and less. Your birthday rolled around, and there was no call, no text. You cried as you sent him a quick message.

> _Happy birthday Sammy. I miss you._

Your face lit up when you got an answer, but it quickly faded when you saw what it said.

> _Thanks, sis. Happy birthday to you too._

Both Dean and John were on hunts. You were at Bobby’s again. “Going for a walk.” You told him as you headed out. As soon as you were outside, you called Dean. “I need you.”

Dean was there in record time. You met him up the road so Bobby couldn’t tell John, not that Bobby even knew what was going on. Dean found a quiet place to park and he held you while you cried.

“Hey, I brought you something.” You sat up and wiped off your cheeks. “First of all, _cake_.” He smiled pulling out a box with a slice of vanilla cake and two plastic forks making you smile. He also pulled out a necklace from his pocket. “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

You took it from him and smiled. “Norse rune of strength.”

“For the strongest damn woman I’ve _ever_ met in my life. You put up with us your whole life. And you put up with _him_ this long. I see you breaking, sweetheart. I figured maybe you could use a bit more strength to get you through this.”

You put it on and smiled. “Thanks Dean.”

When you looked up, and met his eyes, he leaned in to kiss you. “No matter what he puts between us, I’m _never_ leaving you. You’re what I live for. I’m no _Sammy_ ,  bu-”

“You’re enough, Dean.” You smiled, a smile like he hadn’t seen since that night in the bar. “You’re _perfect_. I’m sorry I shut you out. I feel like I have nothing left. You were my safety, security, comfort. You did everything for me my whole life and you were ripped away. To me, you were just as _gone_ as Sam is. But I knew you’d come. If I called, I _knew_ you would.” You shook your head. “I don’t think he will, not anymore. You were always everything to me, Dean. Now you’re all I have, and I’m lucky if I get 2 minutes to talk to you face to face. It _hurts_. It hurts so bad, I just want it to stop.”

“I’m here.” He kissed you again. “When you’re ready to go back, go. I’ll sneak in the way I use to always sneak out. I’ll hold you tonight. Make it all hurt just a bit less. I’ll _always_ be here for you.”

After cake, you headed back to Bobby’s. “You alright, Darlin’?”

You glanced over at him at his big desk. “I’ll be alright. It’s _our birthday_ Bobby, and I only got a half assed message after messaging him first. It’s like he _forgot_ about me.” You sighed. “I don’t want to talk to dad, but even _he_ didn’t so much as text.” You saw Bobby’s jaw clench. “But I heard from Dean.” You smiled. “While I was out on my walk. He made me feel a bit better.”

“You want to do something? I got time, I ain’t doing nothing important here. We can hit the bar for a few drinks, or watch a movie…”

“Thanks Bobby. I just want to go to bed right now. How about a nice big brunch tomorrow? We’ll cook together when I wake up? You made a nice dinner for me today but I just wasn’t in the mood and I’m sorry.”

“Brunch it is. Go on to bed. I’m sorry your birthday ain’t such a happy one this year.”

“It hasn’t been since Sam left.” You said softly before heading up. “Night Bobby.”

Bobby watch you go, and waited for the sound of your door before he picked up his phone and dialed. “Voice mail.” He grumbled. “Alright, you listen here, ya **Idjit**. It’s your damn daughters birthday. I don’t care what kinda _stick_ you got up your ass, _Winchester,_ but she’s had 2 years of misery since you drove that boy of yours off and I’m tired of seeing her cry cuz **Daddy can’t pick up a goddamn phone**. Don’t make me light a fire under your ass.”

  
  


 About 15 minutes after laying down in your bed, there was a gentle tap at your window. You smiled and opened it so Dean could climb in. “I’m getting too fucking _old_ for this.” He chuckled lightly. You smiled as he laid in bed next to you, his arms going around you.

Your phone rang, and Dean reached over and handed it to you. “Dad..” You told him softly and looked up at him.

“Answer. Or he’ll drive down.” He put a finger to his lips to let you know he’d be quiet.

Hitting answer, you almost sighed. “What can I do for you, John?”

You heard him sigh. “ _A father can’t call and wish his only daughter a happy birthday?_ ”

“Bobby called you, didn’t he.”

“ _Sweetheart-_ ”

“Don’t. I get it, you’re _busy_. Sam was too busy to remember me too. I’ll be fine, Dad. I’ve got Bobby. And Dean called. Don’t worry about it. As always, _they’ve_ got you covered. Good bye.”

“ _Y/N-_ ” You cut him off by hanging up.

You let your phone fall to the floor and cuddled up to Dean. “Dean?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“I want to forget today. Everything but you.”

He shifted, rolling you onto your back as he kissed you gently. Everything about that night was soft and tender. He moved slow, drawing it all out, making you feel more loved than ever before. His body never parting from yours, his lips and hands worshiping you. And right before you both came, he told you how much he loved you.

“I love you too, Dean.”

You fell asleep with him wrapped around you, his skin against yours. It was the best you had felt in years. The best you had slept in years.

You woke up to an empty bed, and movement. “Back to sleep, sweetheart.” He kissed you softly. “Bobby will be waking up soon, and you have some missed calls from Dad, so I need to get out of dodge in case he’s hauling ass here.” You nodded sleepily. “I promise, I’ll hold you _every chance we get_.” He kissed your forehead. “For now, sleep. It’s just after 4am.”

“I love you.” You mumbled, half asleep as you heard him open the window.

You were asleep by the time he was out the window. “I love you too, baby.” He quietly closed the window and was gone. A smile on his face.

  
  


Dean had been right, John showed up while you were making brunch with Bobby. The night with Dean had left you in a better mood than you had been since the night in the bar, and John figured maybe you were finally starting to forgive him for Sam leaving.

Bobby smiled when you let John hug you, and actually sat down to eat with your father at the table. “So, _Dean_ called?”

“Of course he did.” You took a bite of food. “He’s never missed a birthday. Not for _anything_.”

“And Sam?” He missed his youngest son.

“I don’t want to talk about Sammy.” You looked down at your plate sadly.

He wanted to tell you he had seen Sam. Well, he had driven down to check up on him anyways, and not for the first time. Sam had no idea he had been there. But he saw how much it hurt to mention Sam. Bobby had no idea what had happened with you and your brothers, and he had no intention of going over that. Bobby was the only person you talked to these days, he wouldn’t ruin that.

“Sorry.” He said softly. The rest of the meal was pretty quiet, and Bobby kept shaking his head at John. When he was done eating, John stepped outside and picked up his phone. “Dean, you done your hunt?”

“Just about, Why?”

“Your sister needs you. Be at Bobby’s for dinner if you can.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Dean. Just don’t fucking touch her, okay?”

“Yes, Sir.”


	6. Jess

When John was around, Dean was a good little soldier like he had always been. Always doing as told, protecting you, but never getting too close. Never showing any sign that what had happened in the bar that night had, or would happen again. So John let up a bit.

But when he wasn’t around, Dean was yours every chance he got. He’d sneak to Bobby’s or whatever motel John had you in if he could. Just to hold you for a few minutes. Anything more was a bonus. You never asked about the women he slept with on the road, you didn’t care. All you cared about was that he came back. And he said he loved you.

After that birthday, you never heard from Sam again and it killed you. You knew if you said hi, or called, he’d answer. But what was the point. You wanted him to _want_ to talk to you. To call and see if you were okay. To tell you he hadn’t forgotten his promise, he’d get you out. That’s what you held on to. Even when you were holding on to Dean, you held on to Sam’s promise. That one day, you’d be free.

Every birthday was spent crying in Dean’s arms because Sam didn’t call or text. It’s not like he forgot, you were twins. And when there were no more tears left to cry, if John wasn’t around, he’d make you forget for a bit. He showed you just how much you meant to him. How much he loved you. You both knew it was wrong, but neither of you cared. Dean was all you had left, and you were all he lived for now.

And it was perfect.

  
  


John was off on one hunt, Dean on another, and you were doing research from a motel in the middle. John called every day to check on you, or ask for info. That’s how it had been for the last few hunts. He was expected back today so when there was a knock on the door, you expected John.

“Dean?”

He grinned. “Hey, beautiful. Finished early, hoped to get in before dad. He back?”

You shook your head. “Haven’t heard from him yet today. You?”

“Nope.” He shrugged and shut the door. “Guess we can at least sneak in a bit of us time before he shows up.” He grinned pulling you close and you smiled. “God, I love that smile.” He leaned down and kissed you.

  
  


Dean slept in his room that night, not wanting to chance it. Another day passed and still no word from John. Then another.

“Dean, I’m getting worried…”

Dean was trying to call John for the tenth time that day and getting nothing. “Me too, sweetheart. This ain’t like dad. He _never_ goes this long without checking in on you.”

Once it hit the point where Dean was really worried, he was packing. “Dean?”

“Come on, we’re going to get Sammy.”

You froze. “What?”

“I need him to find dad. Go pack.”

“De-”

“Look, I _know_ you’re hurting, sweetheart. I know he hurt you.” He cupped your face in his hands. “But I _need him_ to help me find dad.”

“You have me…”

“I do, I’ve got you. But I need _him_ too. I can’t even promise he’ll come, but I need to try. It’s been _years_ , Princess. _I miss him too_. Please, go pack.”

  
  


The whole ride with Dean, you were quiet. “Stay here.” He told you when he pulled up and got out. Slouching down in the seat, you waited. Eventually, you got bored of waiting and headed up.

“Dean?” You called out heading into the apartment he had said was Sam’s. When you stepped into the room, and both brothers turned, you froze. “Sammy…” You breathed out his name.

The expression on his face changed as he took you in. So different from when he last saw you, yet not. You had filled out a bit more, your hair was longer. The smile and happiness in your eyes your whole life was still gone, but to Sam, it felt like home. He quickly schooled his face, and glanced over to another person in the room.

Your eyes followed his, and you saw her. A girl, good looking too, in a smurfs shirt and small pink shorts. “Hi.” She gave you a soft smile. “I’m Jess, I’m Sam’s girlfriend.”

You glanced back at Sam who moved to stand next to her. “Oh.. Sorry, I didn’t know Sam _had_ a girlfriend…” You said awkwardly. “New, or?”

“No. It’s been well over a year.” She chuckled just as awkwardly. “Are you a _friend_.. Or…”

That hurt. Sure you and Sam weren’t identical, but anyone who knew he had a twin could see the resemblance. Which told you she knew nothing about you. Sam hadn’t just left you when he left for college. He had moved on completely, and forgotten you. “I’m-”

Dean cut you off. “ _My_ girlfriend.” You turned and he gave you a reassuring and loving smile. “Go back to the car, sweetheart. I’ll be down in a minute.”

Nodding you turned and started out. “Oh, well it was nice to meet you!” Jess smiled when you glanced at her.

“Lovely to meet you too.” You said almost sadly before leaving.

As you were leaving, you heard her asking “Is she okay?”

Tears ran down your cheek as Dean answered. “It’s been awhile since she’s seen Sammy. They _use_ to be close, once upon a time.” You wiped them away and hurried to the Impala. Now you knew why you never heard from Sam anymore.

  
  


By the time Dean came down with Sam, you were laying in the back seat, the thin blanket Dean kept back there under your head as a pillow, facing the back of the seat. Once they were settled in, Dean looked back and rubbed your arm. “You alright, sweetheart?”

You squeezed your eyes shut and pretended you were asleep. Sighing, Dean turned back and started up the Impala. He knew you weren’t really asleep, but the roar of the engine, and the movement would soon rock you to sleep. And he hoped when you woke up you’d open up to him.

  
  


Your eyes fluttered open to the sound of Sam and Dean. “I can’t _believe_ you shut her out, Sammy.”

“I didn’t _shut her out_.”

“When’d you last talk to her? Huh? Even just a hi.”

“Dean-”

“Her _birthday_ , Sam. About two years ago. Some half-assed happy birthday, after she sent you a message first. Do you know what it was like to get that call? That she _needed_ me? I get there, and she breaks down, _again_. Do you know how many fucking times I watched that girl break?”

“I was _busy_ , Dean.”

“For _two years_ , you’ve been too busy to pick up a goddamn phone?”

“What the fuck was I supposed to say, Dean?”

“I don’t know Sam, how about ‘ _How are you holding up?_ ’, ‘ _I didn’t forget about you_.’ maybe ‘ _I love you_ ’?” You shut your eyes again hearing how upset Dean was getting. “Maybe even ‘ _So I met someone_.’ “

Sam sighed. “I didn’t forget her.”

“Coulda fucking fooled me, Sam. You _promised_ her.”

“Promised her what?”

“Promised her you’d get her away from here. Away from _all this_. How the _fuck_ do you think she got through the last few years? She clung to that.”

“She had you.”

“She _needed **you**_!” Dean pulled to a stop parking the car and turning off the engine. Glancing up, you saw you were outside of a motel.

“She’s our fucking _sister_ , Dean. She’s my _twin_. We shouldn’t have ever-”

“But we _did_. And we do. _I love her_ , Sam. And I fucking know you do to. Deny it all you want, _you love her_.”

“I love _Jess_.” Sam sighed. “I’m out, I want _normal_ , this isn’t fucking normal, Dean. I’m going to ask Jess to marry me. I-”

Sam froze when he heard you sniffle, and the brothers turned to see you sit up, open the door and get out. Slamming the door behind you as you walked off, to nowhere in particular. Just away from them. Away from Sam.

“Fan _fucking_ tastic.” Dean growled. “We’ll be lucky if she fucking _talks_ after this.” He got out of the car, but you were already out of sight. “ **Fuck**! Happy, Sammy?”

“How is this _my_ fault?”

“Over a year, and you couldn’t be bothered to tell her that you met someone else.” Dean slammed his door.

“She’s my _sister_ , Dean, not my girlfriend.”

“Your _twin_ sister. You expect her to just never fucking notice when you start popping out kids? Or did you plan on never talking to her again, like you did with _me_.” Sam sighed as he shut his door and looked around. “Whatever Sam. I’m checking us in. Then we’re going to find her.”

  
  


Both brothers headed back to the room hoping the other had found you. “Fuck!” Dean growled when he walked into the room seeing Sam alone. “Great, now they’re _both_ fucking missing.” He dropped to the bed, his face in his hands.

“You okay? We’ll find her-”

“No, I’m **not** fucking okay. She’s _missing_ , Sam. **I can’t find her**! I can’t fucking find her…” His breathing was getting heavy.

“Dean, are you _panicking_? Relax.”

“I _can’t_! If something happens to her-”

“Dean, she’s a Winchester. _Nothing_ will happen to her. She’ll come back. Give it a bit, if she’s not back in an hour, we’ll go out again. I’ll help you tear this whole town apart. Okay?” Dean nodded.

  
  


It had been two hours since you’d walked away from them. Dean was calling your phone almost frantic with worry. “ _Fuck_ , pick up.”

Sam decided to try. Maybe you’d talk to him, he had always been the one you  talked to right? Dialing, he heard a ring, then voice mail. Furrowing his brow, he hung up and tried again. Same thing. “She’s _rejecting_ my calls…”

“Of course she’s fucking rejecting them.” Dean grabbed his jacket and pulled open the door. Looking up, he froze. “Baby?” You were sitting on the hood of the Impala. “I’ve been worried sick.” He dropped his jacket to the floor and hurried to wrap his arms around you.

“Sorry.” You told Dean softly, your arms going around him. “I just needed to get away. I heard it _all_ , Dean. He couldn’t even just talk to me about it. We _never_ had secrets. Our whole life, we **_never_** had secrets. That’s not my Sammy anymore. I don’t know _who_ that is.”

“Sweetheart-”

“I just want to sleep. Sleep and forget. Can you hold me tonight?”

“Of course.”

  
  


Sam glanced over, middle of the night and in the dim light filtering through from the parking lot, he could see your body conforming to the side of Deans. Part of him ached, he remembered how good you felt against him. The connection the two of you once had. He missed it. He missed you more than he was willing to admit. And seeing Dean with you, it hurt.

Dean was right, he loved you. But you were his sister. His twin sister. And now he had Jess. He turned away, looking up at the ceiling. Jess. He smiled softly to himself as he thought of her. Then he heard a soft moan from you, and turned. Seeing you wrap yourself tighter against Dean, and Dean’s lips going to your forehead in his sleep, he turned and rolled so his back was to you.

_Jess_. He thought, as he shut his eyes.

  
  


When you woke up, the bed was empty. “Dean?” You sat up, looking around and rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“He went to get breakfast.” You glanced towards the bathroom and saw Sam walk out with a towel around his waist, wet hair dripping. He gave you a smile, but it faded when you quickly turned away from him. He sighed and grabbed his bag and started pulling out clothes. “You plan on not talking to me forever?”

“I should be asking _you_ that.” You answered softly, your back to him as you sat in the bed.

When he pulled on his jeans, he spoke again. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t keep in touch, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about her.”

“Are you sorry for not telling her about _me_?” You turned to look at him. You needed to see the look on his face as he explained this one away.

His brow furrowed. “What do you mean? I-”

“She didn’t know _who I was_ , Sam. We might not be identical, but we look enough alike that anyone who knows you have a twin sees it right off the bat. She had no fucking idea.”

“She knows I have a sister.”

“But not a _twin_? Nice.” You scoffed and turned away.

“What should I have told her, huh? I have a twin, my brother and I _fucked her_ one night, dad got pissed. It was the push I needed to finally leave and come to college and do what _I_ wanted for once?”

You head fell forward. “That you had a twin. That your sister meant a lot to you. Or at least _use_ to.”

“You still do.” You shook your head. “You _do_. I _hated_ leaving you there. I hated leaving you with _dad_. I heard what you said as I left, it broke me.”

“You _leaving_ , broke me.” You tried to keep the tears from falling. “The _half assed happy birthday,_ broke me. You calling me _sis_ , broke me. You’ve never called me that, you’ve _never_ looked at me like nothing more than your sister. Every day that you didn’t call, didn’t text, every birthday you missed, _broke me_. So don’t talk to me about how much _you_ hurt Sam. I had _nothing_. I got shipped off to Bobby’s. I was barely even allowed to _talk_ to Dean. He had to sneak off of hunts just to hold me. Like while I cried on my birthday because I was hidden away at Bobby’s and _every family member I had but him_ forgot me.”

He sat down on the edge of the bed, facing you even though you back was to him. “This isn’t _normal_ , Y/n.”

“Nothing about us has _ever_ been normal, Sam.” You turned and looked at him over your shoulder. “It’s never bothered you before. It’s never stopped you from doing anything. It’s never stopped us from being close. We spent our _whole lives_ together, stuck in these rooms with nothing but each other. You found someone else to love, _fine_. But you’re _still_ my brother. My twin. **My life** , Sam. You _took_ that from me.” You turned away from him before getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. “Knock on the door when Dean gets back.”

He waited for a minute, he knew better than to just follow you. He waited until he heard the shower start up. He put the shirt he had been about to put on, down and got up moving for the bathroom door. He grabbed the handle, but found the door locked. He knew he had fucked up. You were shutting him out. He leaned his forehead on the door, shutting his eyes. “I’m _sorry_.”

“What did you do?” Sam heard the door shutting behind him. “Why are you sorry now?” Dean sounded annoyed as he put the food down.

“I talked to her. I _tried_ to.”

“Make it better, Sam.” Dean growled.

“I can’t. I don’t know how.”

“Same way you always do, go in, hold her. Remind her that you _do_ love her.”

“She locked the door. She _never_ locks the door, but she locked it. It’s done, Dean. There’s no fixing this.” He sighed before knocking. “Dean’s back.” He called to you before moving away and getting his shirt.

“You better _fix_ this.” Dean was pulling out food as Sam sat down.

When Dean sat across from him, Sam looked up. “What are you two? Why did you tell Jess she’s your girlfriend and not your sister?”

“We are what we’ve always been.” Dean opened his container and took a sip of his coffee.

“No. It’s more.”

“It’s not. I can just finally hold her again.” He glanced at the door then back to Sam. “You didn’t tell Jess about her. Jess had no idea she was even your _sister_ , let alone your twin. _Or_ someone from your past. _It hurt her_ , Sam. So I claimed her the way I _wish_ I could. Not like we ever see you anyways, right? You said your going back by Monday, and it’ll be back to never hearing from you again, so what does it matter.” He took a bite of his food. “Jess will likely never see us again.”

“You love her? _Really_ love her?”

“I always have.” Dean didn’t look up as he ate. “You always did too. It was the only secret you ever kept from her. Until that night in the bar when you finally let go. It was the only secret _any of us_ ever had from each other.”


	7. I'm coming, hang on!

You were quiet on the drive back to Stanford. Dean tried a few times to get Sam to come back to hunting, but he kept refusing. He wanted Law school, he wanted Jess, he wanted his apple pie life. And you and Dean were not a part of that. You were accepting it.

Dean got out with Sam, but you stayed in the car. You just wanted to get out, get away from here. Even if it meant going back to John and his overbearing ways, once you found him. You and Sam were like strangers. Barely talked to each other, barely even looked at each other.

A knock on your window pulled you out of your thoughts. “Can I at least get a hug good bye?”

You wanted to ignore him, tell him no. But looking up at Sam, you couldn’t. As hurt as you were you just wanted to be in his arms again. You wanted that connection back. Pulling away was going to hurt, but it was worth it. Right?

You started to open the door, and he stepped back, letting you out. As soon as you were standing, his arms were around you and you were pressed to his chest. Sam closed his eyes, and put his face in the top of your head, breathing in the smell of your hair. A small glimmer of your Sammy. You let your arms go around his waist and shut your eyes as you held on to him. You didn’t want to let go. You wanted to scream and cry and fight for him all over again. Just like you did when he had walked away and left. Instead you weakly said “Good bye, Sammy.”

You felt him deflate around you. His shoulders slumped, and his arms loosened around you.  It sounded so final, like you never expected to even hear from him again. “Bye.” It was all he could say.

Dean could see the pain in Sam’s face as he let go of you. He knew Sam would just ignore it. He wouldn’t tell you that he loved you or missed you, even if it was obvious. You moved to Dean’s side, arms going around his waist. When he looked down, he saw the same pain. At least this time you got a good bye though. But he knew he’d spend the night holding you while you cried. “You know how to get a hold of us, Sam.” Dean gave him a small smile, and  motioned towards you with his eyes.

Sam nodded. “I’ll call once in awhile, I promise.”

You turned and buried your face in Dean’s chest, not able to watch Sam walking away again. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go.”

You got in on the passenger side while Dean walked around. Sam stopped and watched as you moved to sit right next to Dean, and as soon as the car was pulling out, his arm went around you.

  
  


Dean was worshiping you, slowly sliding in and out as your nails trailed down his back. “Dean.” You moaned softly.

He let the nipple fell out of his mouth, and smiled up at you. “I _love_ the way you say my name, baby.”

You smiled. “I love saying it.” You pulled him in for a kiss. “And I love when you call me baby.”

“Good to know.” He grinned, his lips moving to your neck. “The name is now yours.”

“Yeah?” He hummed against your neck. “What are you going to call the Impala then?” You teased.

He chuckled and nosed at your neck. “I’m going to hope you don’t mind sharing with the car. Because I have no idea.”

“I don’t mind.” You turned your head and met his lips.

“It’s so good to see you smile again, baby.” He rolled his hips into you, hitting you perfectly. His phone started to ring, and at first he ignored it. When it rang again he looked over but didn’t reach for it yet.

“What if it’s dad?”

Dean sighed, and reached for it, his brow furrowing. “Sam?” He had stopped moving, and you were wondering why Sam would call when you had just left him not long ago. “Woah slow down, what happened?” Dean pulled out, and got off the bed, holding the phone between his shoulder and ear as he pulled off the condom. “I’ll be there as soon as I can Sammy. I’m coming, hang on.”

“Dean?” You sat up, propping yourself on your elbows. “Whats happening? What’s wrong?”

He was pulling on boxer briefs, then grabbing his jeans off the floor. “Fire. There uh, there was a fire. Jess… She…” He pulled out the first shirt he could grab from his bag. “As soon as I’m out the door, salt lines. You hear me? You stay in here. _No one_ comes in but me and Sam. Not even if Dad shows up, okay. Not until I’m back.”

You nodded, scared. “Dean-”

“I love you.” He cupped your face and kissed you. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. I love you.”

“I love you too, Dean.”

He pulled on socks, then boots as quick as he could before grabbing his jacket and rushing out. As soon as the door shut, you were out of bed. You pulled on Dean’s shirt, the one he had been wearing that day, and took in the smell of him before getting to work on salt lines.

  
  


It was a while before Dean got back, and you were worried, pacing the floors. Fire, something happened to Jess, and salt lines. _Oh god_ , was it like mom all over again? When the door opened your turned. “Dean.”

He gave you a smile as you hurried to wrap your arms around him. “I’m good sweetheart. You can relax.”

The door shut, and you let go of Dean and looked up at Sam as he walked around and headed for the bed that was still made. “Sammy…?” He was in pain, he needed you, he needed the connection, you could feel it. “Please Sammy, what happened?” You stepped closer to where he sat.

Sam just stared at the floor, so you glanced at Dean. He motioned for you to keep trying.

“Sammy, was it like mom?” You reached out and touched his shoulder, but he pulled away. “Talk to me, Sam. _Please_.”

“She’s dead.” He answered softly. “On the ceiling, she was still alive. Now she’s _dead_. I was going to marry her. I _loved_ her.”

“Oh Sam…” You moved to hug him but he shied away from you. “Okay. I’ll leave you alone.” You crawled into the other bed and pulled the blankets up to your shoulders.

“Sam.” Dean started. “Don’t shut her out. Yo-”

“You were _fucking her_ when I called, weren’t you. She’s your _baby sister_ , Dean. How many times have you called her that? How can you fuck her, when you call her that?”

Dean sighed, and kicked off his boots. “Don’t start that, Sam.”

“I got out. I left this life behind. I found someone who had _nothing_ to do with any of this, I loved her. And still, I get the ass end of the stick. And you’re here, fucking your sister. And nothing. How is it fair, Dean? What did _I_ do to deserve this?”

“It’s you.” You answered softly. “It had nothing to do with her. _It’s us_. Mom, and now Jess. As much as it hurts, what’s the one thing in common Sam?” You rolled over to face him. “The difference between me and Jess? _I know_. I know who you are, and what this family does. I might never have been allowed to hunt, but Dad and Dean trained me. If she had _known_ , Sam. If it was a demon, _the_ demon, and she had known what to look for, _what to do._ It could have saved her.”

Sam’s jaw clenched. “So this is _my_ fault?! _I_ killed her?”

“Sam…”

“Just go back to fucking your brother and leave me alone.” Sam laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

“Talk like that to her _again_ , Sam, and I’ll fucking knock your ass out. You hear me?” Dean growled. Dean ditched his jeans and got into bed next to you, pulling you to his chest. “He’s in a bad place, sweetheart. He doesn’t mean it.”

“He _does_ , and it’s okay. He’s right. It shouldn’t be happening. _Dad_ was pissed, now Sam’s pissed…” You buried your face closer to Dean’s chest. “Winchesters just aren’t meant for love, Dean. Why would I be any different.”

“You are.” He made you look at him. “You _are_ made for love. You _deserve_ love. You have it.”

“The only love I ever got, was from my brothers. Now one of them hates me for it. Just because I deserve it, doesn’t mean I’ll ever _get it_.” You closed your eyes. “Sleep, Dean. Tomorrow I’ll grab my own room if we’re staying for a bit. We’ll go back to how it was. Everyone will be happy.”

“Not me. Not _you._ ”

“If Sam stops hating me, I’ll be happy. I _miss him,_ Dean. He’s _right there_ , and I miss him.”

“ _Please_ , sweetheart..”

You stopped answering, and soon fell asleep. Dean held on to you as tight as he could. His face either in your hair, or your neck the whole night, breathing you in. “I love you.” He said sadly before falling asleep.

Sam couldn’t sleep. He looked over at you and Dean. He didn’t hate you, and it hurt that you thought he did, but he could see why. He’d hadn’t exactly been loving towards you. He’d been almost cruel. He hated saying those things to you, about you, but he was angry. Very angry.

Dean was on his back, and you were sleeping on his chest. Sam could see your face, you looked so peaceful. He hadn’t seen you look that peaceful in years. But he also hadn’t seen you in years before you showed up on his door step. He was hurting, his heart ached with loss. He had lost the love he had found in you, and he had loss Jess. You were there, but Jess was gone. He wanted to reach out and grab hold of you, hold on tight and never let go. Like Dean was doing.

He turned his back to the two of you and shut his eyes. He didn’t want you to see him. If you woke up, he didn’t want you to see how broken he was. How bad he needed you.

  
  


Dean was not happy to wake up and find you gone. He panicked, until his phone went off. _  
_

_> > Relax, Dean. I’m in the next room. I can hear you freaking out. Motel walls, amiright :) . _

Dean hurried over and burst in your room. “Sweetheart-”

“I’m staying _here_ , Dean.” You gave him a soft smile. “I can’t rely on you to fix everything forever. I want Sam in my life again, and I know you do to. Time to move on. Time to be a sister again.”

“But-”

“I know, Dean. And I love you too.”

“At least come over to eat.” He looked defeated. “Hang out. Research. _Something_.”

“I just need some time to myself right now.”

He nodded. “Call if you need me?” You gave him a smile, and he slowly left the room, closing the door behind him. As soon as he was gone, your smile was too.

  
  


You didn’t see much of either of them for a few days, preferring a bit of solitude. You needed to get use to the distance.

You were laying in bed flipping channels when there was a knock on your door. “Open.”

The door slowly opened and Sam peeked in. “Hey..”

“Hey.”

“How’d you know it was me?” He stepped in and shut the door.

“Thin walls.” You smiled. “I heard Dean leave, then I heard your boots heading for the door.”

“Oh…” He stood there awkwardly.

“What is it Sam?”

“Why are you shutting him out? Both of us-”

“I’m not.” You cut him off looking back at the tv. “No one is stopping you guys from coming here.”

He sighed. “I know you and Dean are close. Closer than you use to be, and now… You barely talk to us, we _barely_ see you.”

“Like I said, no one is stopping you two from coming here to talk to me.” You glanced at him. “Just yourselves. If you want to talk, I’m here. You were _unhappy_ , Sam. And that makes me unhappy. And when I’m unhappy, Dean is unhappy. Which has Dean fighting you, or holding me, which just seems to make you _more_ unhappy. It’s a vicious cycle. And I want my brother back in my life.”

When you turned back to the tv, he sat on the edge of the bed next to you. “I was wondering.. Do you care?”

“Do I care about _what_?”

“Do you care that he’s fucking other people?”

You glanced over at Sam. “What?”

“When he’s on a hunt, when he hits the bar. Do you care that he’s fucking other women.”

You looked away from him and back at the tv. “I’m his sister, Sam. Not his wife.”

“You’re obviously more than _just_ his sister. He keeps fucking you, he told Jess you’re his girlfriend. But I _know_ he’s fucking other women. So what _are_ you exactly?”

“I am whatever I am, Sam.” You sighed, not liking this conversation.

“So you’re okay with being the hole he fucks when he isn’t getting lucky out there?”

“You’re an _asshole_ , you know that Sam?” You looked at him, tears brimming and threatening to fall. “Why are you _trying_ to hurt me?”

“I’m not.”

“ **You are!** You’re going _out of your way_ to do it! Is it because things didn’t work out for you, so fuck us? I didn’t do this to you, Sam. **I didn’t kill her**!” The tears started to fall. “So why are you doing this to me? What did _I_ do to deserve this?”

“Nothing..”

“Then ** _fuck off_**.” You sniffled and wiped your cheek. “If you came in here just to be a dick, fuck off and leave me alone. **I don’t need this**! I had _years_ of this from _dad_. **I don’t need you taking his place**!” You got up and headed for the shower.

As the bathroom door slammed, he knew he fucked up. Everything had come out wrong. He wanted his sister back, he wanted it to be like it had been, before the bar. Where everyone was close, and nothing else really mattered. Where he didn’t have to see you with Dean and be jealous that Dean had a better relationship with you, no matter how twisted it was.

Sam waited until he heard you in the shower. If it was going to be like it had been, he had to fix things like he use to. Sighing, he got up and hoped you hadn’t locked the door on him again.

  
  


You were under the warm water, trying to let it relax you. Everything was so quiet, you hoped Sam had left. Part of you wanted to call Dean and tell him you needed him, but you were trying to break the habit, and then he’d just be pissed at Sam. _Again_.

“I’m sorry.” Sam’s voice was low, but you heard him. “I’m lost and I’m taking it out on you, _I’m so sorry_.”

You didn’t answer him, you just sniffled and stayed quiet. You hadn’t even heard him come into the room. He must have left the door open so you wouldn’t hear it close. You could just barely hear him moving around and then the shower curtain opened and he stepped in.

“Sam, you don’t need to-”

“Were you _really_ waiting for me?” He knew you’d know what he meant. His hazel eyes searching yours.

“ _Every night_. Even when you weren’t talking to me, even when I accepted you weren’t coming. I held on. I prayed that one day, you would remember me, and show up at the door.”

“I _never_ forgot you. I couldn’t. _I tried_ , but I couldn’t.” He admitted. “I tried to bury myself in school, friends, girls, anything and everything. But every time I got a message from you, it hurt all over again. So I tried thinking of you as just my sister. Then I tried distance. Then I met Jess. I thought I was finally free from it, moving on. The last thing tying me to _all this_ , severed. And for a while, it was. I was _happy_.” He smiled softly, and looked down. “I wanted to _marry_ her. I _loved_ her. I wanted _so much_ for us… Now it’s all gone. And I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to talk to. Dean’s pissed at me, and I hurt us _so bad_ I feel like I lost you for good.”

“I’m sorry, Sam. I wish I could give her back to you. I really do.”

“Why?” He looked up at you again.

“Because I want you happy. All I ever wanted was for you and Dean to be happy. All you ever had to do was _tell me_ , Sam. Did you think I’d hate you for finding love?” His eyes shifted away. “What kind of person do you think I am?”

“I don’t know..” He shook his head. “I guess I was scared you’d get jealous, and how would I explain to Jess why my twin is upset I’m with another woman? For most people, incest is _kind of_ a deal breaker.”

“We barely had anything, Sam. You never even-”

“Still.” He cut you off. “I _need you_ in my life, but having you there…”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ruined things for you.” Your voice was quiet.

Sam reached out and brushed his thumb over your cheek to wipe away the tears mixed with water from the shower. “You didn’t ruin anything for me. I did it myself.”

“I did. I-”

“I **_loved_** you.” You looked up to meet his eyes again. “I’ve _always_ loved you. It’s the _only_ secret I ever had from you. The only one I tried to keep buried deep. I knew if Dad found out..” He shrugged. “I hated _every guy_ you’ve ever dated. None of them were good enough for you. But neither am I.”

“Oh Sammy.”

“I _still_ love you. Maybe that’s why I’m so pissed about this. I can’t have a life with you, not one that I want. I want a wife, I want _kids_. But anyone else with you…” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I need you. I _need my sister_. But I need to forget. Just for a bit, I need to forget.”

“We can forget.” You told him softly. “You helped me forget once. Tell me what to do, Sammy. I’d do anything for you. I even distanced myself from _Dean_ for you.”

He licked his lips before leaning down to kiss you. “One more time.” He said between kisses. “Let me have you _one more time_. Let me forget for a bit.”

“Are you _sure_ that’s what you want?” You pulled your face away, but he pulled your body flush against his, and you could feel him getting hard.

“I’m sure.” His lips captured yours again.

“Sam…” You pulled away again, and he looked almost afraid that you’d tell him no. “I don’t want you to regret this.”

“I’d never regret you. I promise. Please. I need you. I need this. _Please_.” Before you could even finish nodding, he had you against the wall and was lifting you. He easily slid into you with a groan. “I forgot how fucking perfect you are.” He started moving slowly. “Like you were made just for me.”

“I _was_ , Sammy.” You kissed at his neck and shoulders. “We’re twins. _We’re a set_.”

  
  


Dean stood outside the bathroom, and sighed. At first he had been glad to find Sam not in their room. He had hoped Sam was working things out with you, finally. When he heard talking in the shower, he put the bag down and headed to the bathroom, a smile on his face that things were getting back to normal.

But hearing that, broke his heart. If you were made for Sam, what did that leave for him. “Why did I have to fall in love with her…” He mumbled, his head against the wall. He could hear your little sounds, the ones you always made for him, the ones he always ached to hear. He could hear the slap of wet skin on wet skin.

Pushing off the wall, he crossed the room. He took out yours and Sam’s food that he had picked up, and left them on the table. Grabbing the bag containing his, he quietly slipped out and headed back to his room.


End file.
